Remembering my summer on trail feels like recalling a great love story.
The kind of love that lives in your very bones, sinew & marrow. A love that changes you, demonstrates what’s possible in this life. It dances with your cells and courses in your veins, singing of an aliveness beyond sense, beyond thought.
You know it to be so much bigger than you and yet somehow resides within you.
A love like that is never gone, nor lost. It becomes you. You become it. Two entwined as one in time eternal.
. . .
A longing sometimes grabs me by the gut, tightens and pulls. My mind quick to place words over the sensation: God, I miss it.
I miss the constant state of awe evoked by what I was doing, where I was, what I was moving through. The lightness I felt despite the weight on my back.
(perhaps that’s why we wear heavy packs – to keep from floating away. We were already so often high above the cloud line. Why not continue up through the atmosphere, to stars, space, and nothingness. I suppose maybe some do, never return to Earth)
I’m not even sure I have. I go through motions, half here. The rest of me, spread across mountains and glacial lakes, deep rivers and vast valleys, swept over changing skies like colors in a desert sunrise, roots growing deep to reach a buried life source, shifting through nourishing Earth, finding oxygen, resting, and reaching once more.
How to come back, I’m not sure. How to gather whats been given so freely to the love you found around you, in a time and place that no longer exists outside of memory – I’m at a loss.
At least I am sure of one thing: it was all worth it.
Loving always is…